I'm not someone who craves attention, but it’s nice to get positive feedback.
Especially in the work environment. I know I work hard. And I know everyone else does. But as an F1 there are so many situations where I'm constantly second guessing myself, wondering whether I'm doing the right thing. Should I have started that medication? Should I have called the medical registrar sooner? To someone who's very experienced a lot of these decisions probably wouldn't get a second thought but I'm not at that stage yet. So, it’d be helpful to know when I've done something right because A) I can do it again and B) so I don't spend time after I’ve gone home wondering if I’d done the right thing.
And I don't want or expect someone to follow every decision I've made and give me a gold star. Just some sort of guidance to let me know that I'm on the right track and that I'm improving.
It's funny, because often I'll hear people praising certain colleagues if they ever happen to be brought up in conversation: 'yeah he's a good F2' or ‘I thought she was an SHO, I didn’t realise she was an F1’. And I wonder if anyone ever tells said person that they're doing well. I know I'd want to know.
Equally, I want to know if I was doing badly. I overhear the same repetitive remarks about particular colleagues so much so that you know them before you’ve even met them. I don't want to be the one people talk about in that way. I'd want people to tell me if I was rubbish, but obviously in a kinder and more constructive way.
I recently had an end of placement meeting with my supervisor. At the end of the four months, I'd finally come to the conclusion that he probably didn’t hate me and was actually quite funny. He was filling out the form whilst I watched him type and it was all the same general remarks. ‘Works well in a team’, ‘appropriate knowledge base’ and so on. I was expecting something a bit less superficial. I wanted him to say ‘these are your good points’ and ‘these are what you could work on’. It just felt very general. Essentially, I am a perfectly adequate F1.
It’s not like we never get feedback. Because we do. I notice that people are more quick to point out when you've done something wrong. I guess a mistake has more potential for causing harm and it makes sense to correct immediately. But when there's more negative feedback then positive feedback it skews the scales a bit and you're left feeling like you do more wrong than you do right. But I get it, everyone’s under a lot of pressure, the NHS is under extreme pressure. We’re all just trying to keep it together enough to get the job done.